I took Sennet down to watch the dragon dancers and he loved it!
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I took Sennet to school today. As we got in the car I turned on the CD player and asked him if he wanted to listen to some music? He nodded and I asked him if he wanted to listen to some funk? He laughed and nodded again. He asked why I called it funk? I just told him that’s what that kind of music was called – it usually had a heavy bass line and often had a lot horns and brass. I put on a mixed funk CD that I had burned and we cranked it up.
We played some Rebirth Brass Band, some Trombone Shorty, some James Brown, and this tune by a New Orleans band called Galactic, with Irma Thomas singing: “Heart of Steel.”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmI-IejJl3U]We made it through four or five songs before we got to La Escuelita. When I turned the car off Sennet said, “Hey I want some more of that! Can I get some more funk after school?”
You bet, buddy. You bet.
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For those of you who find this post randomly and don’t know why I am immersed in all things estate planning, my dad and step-mom were recently murdered by my step brother. In my case, there are many layers of complications that most of you will never face but the need for a well planned estate in the event of your death is SO critical for everyone! Here are a few things that I have learned in the last few weeks about estate planning and protecting your family in the event of your death.
Take one step at a time. Don’t get overwhelmed and do nothing. Just take one step at a time!!
- Everyone needs a VALID will. No excuses. My dad and step-mom left a will that was not valid because it was missing one witness signature. My son was the sole heir and my son will not inherit nearly 250K that they intended for him to have. It is a big deal. Get a will!
- Never assume that your computer will be accessible upon your death! Don’t keep all of your most important documents (only) on your computer. In my case, my dad’s laptop was stolen and I will never know if there is a valid will just sitting in the documents. If you use an online back up like carbonite- make sure at least 2 people know about this info so that it can be recovered if you die and your computer is taken or destroyed.
- If you have a valid will, you determine who manages your estate because you name the executor. If you die without a valid will, the laws of heirship will determine who manages your estate. Spouse, children, siblings is the order in Texas and Washington. My step mom hadn’t spoken with her siblings in 10 years and they clearly had disdain for her and they are now managing her estate.
- Where money and children are concerned, DO NOT TRUST that people will do the right thing when you die! The only way to make sure that your wishes are executed upon your death is to have a VALID WILL!
- If you have a dependent child- it should be federal LAW that you have a will. At a minimum, you need to name your child’s guardian. Even if you don’t feel like you have any assets, you have everything if you have a child.
- If you die without a will, a judge will determine who takes care of your child. Don’t let this happen. Don’t worry about whose feelings you hurt. Pick a valid guardian.
- If you have been divorced and/or either you or your spouse has children from a previous relationship, it is even more important that you have a valid will so that not only your spouse but your children (and your spouse’s children) are protected. If you die without a will, everything will go to your spouse. Even if you 100% trust your spouse to make sure your children are protected- if your spouse dies without a will, EVERYTHING will go to your spouse’s heirs. A step-child is not an heir unless a will dictates that they are.
- If you are not married and want to protect your partner you especially need to have a will. If you aren’t married- you have ZERO rights to heirship of any assets. If you aren’t married and you have children- you almost more than anyone need to have a will! If you die and don’t have a will and are not married, your child(ren) will be your heir(s). If you are not married and you don’t have a will and your beneficiaries are not set up properly (keep reading for more info), then it is likely that the trustee of the children(s) assets will not be your partner/the child’s other parent. Again, never trust anyone to do the right thing where money and children are concerned so make sure you have a will- especially if you are living in sin and have children 🙂 Glad I live in a state where EVERYONE can get married- just a side note.
- Once you have a valid will- you need to make sure at least 2 people have a copy. It is my opinion that anyone who will benefit from your will and/or is the guardian of your children- they should have a copy. Don’t assume the attorney you used to draft your will will retain a copy. In addition, how are your heirs suppose to know what attorney you used to draft your will. There is no state or national database that keeps tracks of wills, safety deposit boxes, life insurance policies etc. It is up to YOU to make sure your family knows about your “stuff.”
- Any assets you have (checking, savings, 401K, CD’s, life insurance, annuities, employee benefits, education savings like 529s etc, etc) need to be collected and put in one easy to find place and don’t forget to update these items as they change. I am of the opinion that you should make copies of all these asset accounts and make sure at least 2 people have copies of these items along with your will. At a minimum, list the asset location and account numbers. Your debtors will find you but unless your heirs know about your assets- your family may not be protected how you intend.
- Get rid of old paperwork and account information that is no longer valid. The last thing you want your grieving heirs to do is spend countless hours sifting through stuff that doesn’t matter just to find the one thing that does matter- trust me on this!
- With the age of online banking (online everything), I suggest that your spouse and at least 1 other person have all of your account login/password information. It will make it much easier to close accounts, etc upon your death. Not to mention that it could give your family immediate access to funds they need!
- Accounts that list a beneficiary (401K, life insurance, checking, savings, IRA’s) are NOT dictated by a will- they are paid directly to the beneficiary you list on the account. If there is not a valid beneficiary, the contract of the particular asset account determines how the benefit is paid. If there is not a valid beneficiary, the payee might be the estate in which case the will (or lack of will) will determine the payee. In some cases however, the payee could be spouse, children, parents, step-children, etc BEFORE the estate- so the will might not ever determine the benefit. In addition to having a valid will, you MUST update your asset accounts with beneficiaries that reflect your current needs/wishes.
- If you name anyone other than your spouse (a trust, children, other friends/family members) the beneficiary of life insurance and asset accounts (other than retirement), those funds can never be required to pay estate debt. If your spouse is the beneficiary, he/she might be responsible for any outstanding debt (like medical bills) you have upon your death. We have our life insurance being paid to a trust to prevent it being eaten up by medical (or other) bills.
- There is a benefit to listing your spouse as the beneficiary on retirement accounts because your spouse can “rollover” those funds to their retirement accounts and defer the tax consequence. It is my understanding that a spouse is the only person who can avoid taxes on retirement accounts upon your death. In addition, retirement accounts also cannot be “forced” to pay estate debts (including medical) so we have decided to list spouse as the primary beneficiary on retirement accounts.
- Listing a secondary or contingent beneficiary on all of your accounts is JUST AS IMPORTANT as making sure your primary beneficiary is up to date. It doesn’t happen very often, but sometimes spouses die together. In order to make sure your asset accounts are never subject to estate debt, you MUST list a secondary or contingent beneficiary on every account. For example, if you only list a primary on your life insurance and that person dies before you (or in my parents case- the same time), the life insurance payee might be your estate. Once the payee is the estate, those funds might be subject to any debt you have prior to your death (which could be substantial if you had a prolonged illness). The only way to ensure the funds that you intend to protect your family upon your death is to make sure that the primary and contingent beneficiaries are up to date and are not your estate!!
- There are two types of trusts, one is a living trust and one is a testamentary trust that is established upon your death. In states like Washington where probate is fairly easy and inexpensive, there is not a huge reason to have a living trust- unless your estate is valued at over $5 million dollars and/or your family owns lots of property free and clear that you would like to keep in the family for years to come. The type of trust we have is the one established upon death. In our case, our guardian for Sennet is also the trustee of the trust established for Sennet- which just means the guardian also controls the money. We selected our guardian because we trust them (I know I said don’t trust anyone but I guess I really mean only trust the people you CHOOSE to trust with your children and assets and don’t trust the law to determine who that is!) and we know they love Sennet. However, if you prefer, you can have a different person control the trust if you want to make sure there are checks and balances.
- The benefits of the trust range from keeping assets protected from estate debt, establishing funds for your children’s education, to making sure that if your spouse remarries after your death- those funds never become community property and are always earmarked for your child- not the children of a future relationship. You can stipulate a trust to be paid over time or when your child is certain age or when your child has accomplished certain things (like college). While I think any will is better than no will, these types of issues are the reason I think using a good attorney is worth the upfront cost.
- The type of assets that are determined by a will (or lack of will) are assets like real estate, personal items like jewelry/furniture, cars, some stocks, community property and any asset account that is paid to the estate because there is not a valid beneficiary and the payee is the estate. If you have items that you know are extremely sentimental to you or your family, make sure you list those items out individually stating who you would like them to go to.
- Get your photos off your computer and get them printed. Everything was just stuff when we cleared out my dad’s house- except for the photos! You know that old saying that if your house was on fire all you would take is your family albums- that is SO true. My other suggestion is to make sure at least 2 people know the login/password of the online storage you use for your family images- especially if you are the one in your family always has the camera- like me!!
- The truth is that most of us won’t die when our spouse does, most of us will be at our children’s wedding and we will meet our grandchildren- but that is not guaranteed and I am BEGGING all of you to make sure you are prepared if you die tomorrow. I encourage you all to think about what would happen to your family if you died tomorrow. Think about what would happen to your family if both you and your spouse died tomorrow. Talk to a financial planner about how much life insurance you need. Talk to an attorney about establishing a trust. I am neither of those and these tips are just my personal experience. I hope you will learn something from my family tragedy that is compounded by an invalid will.
- Some of you have asked, my step-brother can never profit from killing my dad and his mom. He will not inherit my step-mom’s estate- her siblings will. This is of course NOT what she intended but because her will was invalid- there is nothing I can do about it.
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I got up at 3:30 am and got on the road in Chuck’s 2004 Chevy Pickup about 4 am. It was going to be a long, long day. The reason for this sudden roadtrip: Charley, our new border collie. A beautiful, 16-month old puppy that had been Chuck and Cathy’s. (Their 3 other dogs were adopted out while we were in Texas). Charley turned out to be either the best traveling companion ever – or the laziest dog in the world. She curled up on the dog bed I put on the passenger seat, and slept through the entire trip. I left Temple, Texas and headed northwest on 36 towards Gatesville. The first four hours were all in the dark – two-lane, rural Texas highways, wide open and clear and fast. After Gatesville, through Hamilton, Comance, north at Rising Star, then west again at Cisco, then skirting around the outskirts of Abilene. Finally the sun came up.
Charley & Kt, on the road
Charley snoozing on the road
Abilene to Sweetwater, Raton, Spur, Ralls, Floydada, and then on into Plainview around 11:30 am – where I stopped to say hi to Chuck’s brother David, their mother, Opel, and Chuck’s sister, Mary Lou.
Kt, David, Opel, Mary-Lou
Left Plainview around 12:30 and it was on up to Amarillo where I gassed up and got a couple corndogs at Der Wienerschnitzel (hadn’t seen one of those since I was little). Texas is huge, I’d been on the road for almost 10 hours and wasn’t out of the state yet. On to Dalhart, then I finally crossed into New Mexico and into the western time zone and went through Clayton. At Raton I hit I-25 and went north and crossed into Colorado. Then it was straight up north along the front range – skirting the foothills. Gassed up for the last time in Trinidad, then rolled on through Walsenburg, Pueblo, Colorado Springs, Denver, and then finally Fort Collins. Driving down Mulberry Street, I had flashbacks to growing up. I got to my mom’s house around 8:30 pm – 968 miles for the day. She had El Burrito mexican food ready and waiting for me, and a cold beer. We ate, talked, cried, laughed, and then went to bed.
Charley watching the squirrels at Madre’s
Charley chillin’ at Madre’s
Madre & Charley out back
I slept in with Charley at my mom’s. In the morning she made me Chorizo hash & eggs for breakfast, we talked and visited for a while, then I got on the road again around 1:30 pm. The plan (since the previous day’s 15-hour marathon had been so tiring) was to make this an easy day, head up 287 to Laramie and then across Wyoming on I-80 to Rock Springs, about a 4 hour trip. Then drive about 8.5 hours the next day to Ontario, Oregon on the Idaho border, then the following day drive the last 7.5 hours home. All went well to Rock Springs, which was fortunate because driving across I-80 in Wyoming in January can be brutal. They can have crazy storms, 50 or 60-mile an hour winds, 10-foot snow drifts – they have gates about ever 50 or 100 miles that they can bring down across the interstate, closing it off to all traffic when the storms get especially bad. The weather I had was just clear and cold, with some patches of dense fog. Stayed at the La Quinta in Rock Springs, slept well – Charley too. Then got up and on the road about 8 am.
I-80 Wyoming desolation
Drove the rest of the way across Wyoming (about 100 miles) and then into Utah, eventually heading north on I-84 towards Ogden. That’s when the weather turned on me. It began to rain, then freezing rain, then small snowflakes, then larger snowflakes. Through Ogden to Brigham City the snow began to stick on the roads and our collective speed dropped to about 50 mph. Further on I saw flashing signs saying all trucks must have chains for I-84 to Idaho – my route. The snow got denser and our speeds dropped to the sub-40 area. I began to see cars that had spun out on the side of the road every mile or so. Just as I was coming into Tremonton, where I-84 meets up with I-15 (barely 40 miles from Ogden) a sign said ALL vehicles were now required to have chains. I was in Chuck’s 2004 Chevy C1500 half-ton pickup, but since he lived in Texas he had bought a 2-wheel drive version. I decided I had better stop and try to buy some chains. I pulled into a truck stop in Tremonton. They had no chains left, and a bunch of people were standing around discussing the weather. One guy had just driven to Tremonton from Twin Falls (where I was heading) and he had been going barely 5 mph in a huge 4-wheel drive pickup. He said it was almost a total whiteout and very slippery. He figured they would close the road any time if they hadn’t already. That sealed my fate – no way I could get through that in the vehicle I had. I got a room at the Western Inn – the furniture and bed looked like they had been new in 1973, but it was warm and restaurants were within walking distance. It was only noon, and I was still about 4 or 5 hours from where I had planned on stopping. Very frustrating. It continued to snow all the rest of the afternoon, eventually to about 6 or 7 inches by that evening when it finally tapered off.
Charley at the Western Inn, Tremonton, UT
Charley checking out the snow in Utah
In the morning the news was that it hadn’t snowed at all during the night and the roads were plowed and sanded but could be icy. I grabbed some coffee and was on the road by 7:30, once it was light out. The first 40 or 50 miles were slow going on snow packed and slippery roads, between 20 and 35-mph at times. Then it began to snow again, big thick flakes. I stopped at a truck stop to try to buy chains again. They were out but I decided to buy some other gear that I might need. Since we had planned on flying down to Texas and back, I didn’t bring any winter gear. I had running shoes, a hoodie, and a thin rain jacket – that was it. Not good if I happened to get stuck out in the snow. I walked around the truck stop and picked up some gloves, a knit cap that had “Utah” stitched across it, an ice scraper for the windshield, and a bit of food. I walked up to the counter and reached down and realized I didn’t have my wallet in my pocket. That was a bit disconcerting. I tried to remember the last time I saw it. Perhaps on the hotel desk? I put all the stuff I wanted to buy on the counter and told the clerk I left my wallet in the car and would be right back. I dug through the cab of the pickup, under the seats, between them, around them. Nothing. I pulled the suitcase out of the bed of the pickup and tore through that. Nothing. Panicked now, I tried to think straight. Where was the wallet? I got in the cab shaking and called the motel in Tremonton and asked them to check my room. It was barely 9 am, so they probably hadn’t even stepped foot in it yet. She sent someone to check, but when she got back on the line she said they didn’t find anything. My stomach dropped. I was still two days (at least) from Seattle and I had no wallet, no credit cards, no driver’s license, no cash. I remembered I had stuffed some of our cash in my dress shoe in my suitcase so I wouldn’t be carrying hundreds of dollars around. I pulled the suitcase back out of the bed, opened it up and took about $200 out of the shoe. I still had about $500 or so dollars left in the shoe. As it was still snowing I decided I had better buy the stuff I needed anyway. I went back into the store and grabbed my pile of stuff. As I walked to the back of the line, I felt something odd in the pile. I looked down and my wallet there mixed in with the pile of stuff to buy. Relief flooded my body. I must have pulled it out of my pocket without thinking as I walked around the store picking out items. I just had everything all together in my hands without realizing the wallet was with them, under the knit cap probably. I had set it down on the counter with everything else when I panicked and went to look for it. I was so thankful that I barely felt foolish, just happy. I bought the stuff and got back in the truck and headed out. A bit further out the snow stopped and the roads cleared down to dry pavement. I began to make up lost time.
New UTAH knit cap
lazy dog
I eventually crossed into Idaho, then through Twin Falls and then Boise. Then I passed Ontario at the Oregon border, where I had planned on stopping the night before. I kept going, now into the Pacific timezone. Between Ontario and Pendleton, Oregon are 3 or 4 low, but steep mountain passes, including Mt. Emily, Deadman’s Pass, and Cabbage Hill (a 6% grade with several hairpin turns). I was hoping, since the roads had been clear for hundreds of miles, that I might have put the snow behind me. No so fast. The first pass went OK, it was snowy, but the plows had been out and the roads weren’t bad. A bit slow and cautious, but fine. The next two passes were anything but fine. At the base of the first one the signs called for all trucks to be chained up and all vehicles were advised to have chains with them. I still had not been able to buy any chains. I kept going. About half way up it began snowing, hard. The roads were completely covered and the going was very slow. As I crept along at about 25 mph, all along the right side of the road big rigs were stopped, chaining up. It seemed like hundreds of them, mile after mile. Worried, I kept going. I got to the top of the first pass and then had to worry about the descent. Warning signs for the truckers to use low gear because of the grade percentage were troublesome. I slowed further. Eventually, after creeping along like this I made it down out of the mountains onto the plain and on into Pendleton. My nerves were frazzled. The last 45 miles had probably taken me two hours.
Deadman’s Pass, Oregon
I gassed up in Pendleton and checked the weather ahead. I didn’t really have any more mountains to worry about until I got to the Cascades and Snoqualmie Pass – but that’s a big one. There was a winter storm warning for the pass and they were expecting to get 8-12 inches of snow that evening. It was already the afternoon, and I still had hours before I got to the pass. I called an AutoZone in Yakima, about 150 miles up the road from me, to see if they carried chains that would fit the pickup. They did, so I decided I would stop there and buy them and then just try to inch my way over he pass later. I was not looking forward to it, especially after those last couple of passes in Oregon. I got on the road and headed west.
As I approached the turn off for I-82 north into Washington state, I saw the sign that said Portland 200 miles. I began to think, if I drove across Oregon on I-84, I wouldn’t have to fight any mountain passes. I-84 runs right along the shore of the Columbia River, all the way to Portland. No climbing. It was about a hundred more miles than driving I-82 to I-90 to Seattle – but with that route I’d have to go over Snoqualmie – if I could get over Snoqualmie. Not guaranteed with a 2-wheel drive truck, even with chains. And the Winter Storm Warning was in effect for the next 3 days! That sealed it for me, I shot past the turn north and continued west. The drive was pretty cool, winding along the Columbia River canyons, right at the water’s edge. Barges, trains, boats, and tumbleweeds marked the journey. As I got to Hood River, it began to rain just as the sun set. Rain hard. All the way into Portland it was downpour – but way better than a foot of snow on the pass! After Portland the trip north, 175 miles to Seattle was uneventful, with a steady rain. I pulled up in front of the house around 9:30 pm. Another 15 hour day… but now the journey was complete. Charley was in her new home, and I was home with Stacie and Sennet.
Temple, Texas to Seattle, WA: 1 dog, 2 snowstorms, 3 time zones, 4 days, 8 states, 2,332 miles.
Sennet & Charley playing
Kaiser, Charley, Kramer: copacetic.
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Last night it was my turn to take Sennet up to bed and read stories. He usually likes to “read” the stories first and then lets you read them.
Last night he had The Tale of Timmy Tiptoes by Beatrix Potter, and he was reading it before my turn. He turns the pages and says a few lines of gibberish – made-up words, then talks about what is on the pictures.
In this case he was saying, “And there’s a squirrel. Two squirrels. Three, four, five squirrels. Five squirrels. Hand lotion.” (He had glanced up to the shelf where there is a big bottle of hand lotion – all the ingredients go into the soup!)
After a long pause at one point he glanced at me with a sly smile. (We were both laying on his bed, propped up on pillows.) I told him that I liked his stories.
Smiling, he said, “My stories are great. My stories are like blue berries and chocolate.”
I don’t know where he gets this stuff.
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